The novel 50 Shades of grey gave millions of readers a glimpse into the world of lust and submission, of power and sexual liberation. But how realistic is the novel anyway?
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The main protagonist as a dominant man falls in love with a young woman and monogamously lives out his own lust for dominance with her. The reality is often different.
Table of Contents
The difference between relationship and BDSM relationship
First of all, there is a clear distinction to be made here. Because many dominant men distinguish very clearly between a normal partnership and a BDSM relationship. In a normal partnership, love and the encounter at eye level play an important role.
Here also dominant men usually live monogamously and would not dream of cheating on their own partner. Of course, they want the same from their female partners. In BDSM relationships, however, this looks quite different.
The dominant part and his rights and duties
Whoever takes the dominant part in a BDSM relationship automatically and by definition has more rights, but also more duties. This is because it is up to the Dom to both provide for the safety of the sub and to ensure her integrity during the sessions.
In return, however, the Dom is also granted more rights. While a sub has to serve only one Dom and is often exclusively available to him, a Dom in such a relationship does not have to be monogamous. He can play with other subs - even in the presence of his own sub - or have fun with her alone. This is the power which he can exercise and which is also exercised by most Doms.
BDSM and love - here it gets complicated
It gets complicated when a love relationship is also a BDSM relationship. If in a normal partnership in the areas of joint play BDSM plays a major role, it can be quite difficult, but also very fulfilling.
On the one hand, it is important to maintain the balance between play and normal life. In normal life, both partners are usually equal and at eye level, while this is completely negated in the game. Here, too, a Dom would definitely have the right to live non-monogamously and, for example, to include another sub in the game.
However, in consideration of normal life and the feelings of the partner, most Doms do without this possibility or exercise it only in direct coordination with their own partner.
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Life as a Dom - complicated and fulfilling at the same time
As a flexible Dom in simple BDSM relationships, life is simple and straightforward. There are only a few limits which are set on a sexual basis. In a real relationship based on one's own feelings, on the other hand, many Doms automatically limit themselves and take a lot of consideration for the feelings of their own partner.
Important for a fulfilling life together with the same sexual interests.
