As a keyholder, I hold the key to your best piece in my hand. You are my chaste one - your penis is safely tucked away in a Chastity cage or chastity belt, and you give up a piece of control voluntarily. This is precisely the appeal of chastity: power games, pleasure, frustration and deep devotion. In the chastity category, you will find suitable BDSM toys for this special form of orgasm control.
To ensure that this game remains pleasurable, fair and safe for all parties, it requires clear agreements, suitable toys and a lot of trust. In this BDSM guide, you'll find out how you can become a chastity lover, what a keyholder can expect from you and how you can make chastity together - for example in Locktober - intense and responsible.
- 1 What does it mean to be a chastity belt?
- 2 How to respectfully introduce yourself to a keyholder
- 3 Rules, safeword & boundaries - the foundation of chastity
- 4 The right chastity belt or Chastity cage
- 5 How long should a chastity belt stay chaste?
- 6 Chastity in everyday life - discretion, triggers & aftercare
- 7 Locktober - a special challenge for chastity lovers
- 8 Tips for all levels - chastity step by step
- 9 Role play step by step - depending on the level
What does it mean to be a chastity belt?
Being a chastity belt means that you hand over control of your sexuality - especially your orgasms - to another person. This is usually a dominant partner as a keyholder, but a dominus or another significant other is also possible. The important thing is that everything is consensual and based on your mutual rules.
Typical for chastity is a Chastity cage or chastity belt that prevents you from stimulating yourself or having sex without consent. Your body continues to respond with desire, erections and fantasies - but you are not allowed to give in at will. It is precisely this game between desire, renunciation and reward that is the attraction for many chastity lovers.
How to respectfully introduce yourself to a keyholder
If you want to become a chastity lover, it all starts with an honest introduction to your potential keyholder - whether in real life, online via chat or by email. She is not an anonymous service provider, but a person with her own wishes, limits and fantasies.
Introduce yourself politely, explain your role expectations (submissive, chaste, perhaps also a CBT fan) and describe what you would like: chastity in everyday life, only playful in the bedroom, orgasm control, Locktober challenge and the like. Be direct but respectful - without insulting or dehumanizing language. An experienced dominatrix or femdom keyholder attaches great importance to respect, communication and trust.
Rules, safeword & boundaries - the foundation of chastity
Before the key is officially handed over, you should establish rules together. These include
- Duration of chastity: days, weeks or open-ended - depending on your level, experience and everyday life.
- Permitted games: Masturbation only with permission? Kissing, petting, penetration? What is taboo?
- Safeword: A clear word or signal that you can use to stop the game if something is no longer medically or psychologically possible.
- Checks: Regular check-ins (e.g. daily by message) to talk about body sensations, pressure points or excessive demands.
Even if you are very submissive as a chastity: Your physical integrity is always above any fantasy. A responsible keyholder will make sure that you stay healthy and that your chastity play takes place within the framework of Safe, Sane, Consensual or RACK.
The right chastity belt or Chastity cage
Whether you become a chastity lover for just a few hours or for a longer period of time - the right chastity device is crucial. A cage that is too large will cause friction and slippage, one that is too small can hurt and disrupt blood flow.
Use the following points as a guide:
- Material: silicone or plastic are often comfortable for beginners, metal seems firmer and is interesting for experienced chastity devils.
- Size & ring diameter: Measure the penis and base of the testicles carefully before choosing.
- Cleaning: Chastity means frequent, thorough cleaning of the penis, testicles and cage.
- Suitability for everyday use: Does the cage fit discreetly under everyday clothing? Can you use it safely at work, on the subway or for sports?
A look at the detailed chastity belt guide and the general guide to chastity is particularly helpful. You can also find inspiration in the category Chastity cages category if you are looking for a suitable model.
How long should a chastity belt stay chaste?
The duration of chastity is a game of intensity and mind games. At the same time, it shouldn't be physically or mentally exhausting. As a rough guide:
- Beginners: a few hours to 1-2 days at a time.
- Advanced: several days to 1-2 weeks, with breaks for cleaning and body checks.
- Experienced chastity: longer periods are possible if the device fits, you communicate closely and it feels right for both of you.
Many chastity lovers experience a particularly intense orgasm after prolonged chastity when the keyholder finally opens the cage - a feeling of explosiveness, relief and deep devotion. At the same time, it is up to the keyholder to handle this power responsibly.
Chastity in everyday life - discretion, triggers & aftercare
As a chastity lover, you often carry your BDSM secret around with you invisibly. It can be incredibly arousing to be in the office, out shopping or with friends and know that your keyholder decides on every orgasm.
These points will help you to avoid being overwhelmed by the constant stimulation:
- Discretion: choose clothes in which the cage is not noticeable and devices that fit comfortably.
- Use triggers consciously: Small messages from the keyholder, photos or instructions can fuel desire, but shouldn't take you out of your daily routine.
- Aftercare: After intensive phases of chastity - especially after the first orgasm afterwards - attention, cuddling, conversations and emotional aftercare are important.
If you notice that frustration or shame is becoming too strong, talk openly with your keyholder. BDSM and chastity should enrich your life, not burden it permanently. For a deeper understanding of roles, dynamics and emotions, a look at the femdom guide & BDSM knowledge can be helpful.
Locktober - a special challenge for chastity lovers
Locktober is a popular challenge in the chastity scene: the entire month of October is spent chastely - often under the strict supervision of a female keyholder. You decide together how intense you want it to be.
Typical agreements can be:
- The Chastity cage remains locked for the entire month.
- Cleaning phases are short and only allowed under supervision or after clear instructions.
- Exciting tasks, messages or light CBT games increase the excitement.
- At the end of Locktober, the reward is a particularly celebrated orgasm or another power play - depending on your fantasies.
Important: A long-term scenario like this requires even more precise body feedback. Pressure points, pain, skin irritation or circulatory problems are warning signals. Then your health takes priority, even if the game has to be interrupted.
Tips for all levels - chastity step by step
Becoming chaste is a process. The more conscious you are about it, the more intense and safe your BDSM experience will be. You can find additional inspiration in the overview of chastity guides.
Level 1 - Curious & cautious (beginners)
- First conversations about chastity, fantasies and taboos.
- Short chastity phases of a few hours to 1 day, possibly without a cage (orgasm control only).
- Collecting knowledge together, e.g. about chastity belts and chastity guides.
Level 2 - Playful in everyday life (advanced)
- Regular chastity phases with Chastity cage at weekends or several days in a row.
- Integration into your everyday life, with clear rules for self-touching, pornography and fantasies.
- Expansion of the repertoire: light CBT elements, bondage, blindfolds or spanking as a reward or punishment.
Level 3 - Intensive power games (experienced)
- Prolonged chastity over weeks, clear medical and emotional safeguards.
- Fixed rituals: daily messages, tasks, body checks, mental submission.
- Combination with more advanced kinks such as femdom, clinic games or complex role play - always with safeword and aftercare.
Role play step by step - depending on the level
- Level 1 - The silent contract: You agree for one evening that the keyholder alone decides on your orgasm. No cage, but clear instructions and a safeword.
- Level 2 - Everyday life under control: You wear the Chastity cage for a weekend. The keyholder sends you small tasks (messages, photos, positions) that increase your pleasure - without approval.
- Level 3 - Locktober scenario: Be a chastity for a month, combined with other BDSM elements: Bondage, eye masks, role play (e.g. "strict-distant" in everyday life, "merciless" in the bedroom) and a grand finale ritual.
No matter which level you choose: Chastity thrives on respect, trust and honest communication - then being chaste becomes an intense, sensual adventure that goes far beyond simply abstaining from orgasm.
