What is BDSM? All info about BDSM!

The term BDSM keeps wandering through various media, even though only a few people can properly categorize the term. Because BDSM (Bondage Discipline Submission Dominance) is an abbreviation which is supposed to describe the different disciplines and subdisciplines it contains.

This refers to the three main areas:

• Bondage (restraints) and discipline
• Submission (subjugation)
• Sadism and masochism

bondage discipline dominance submission
In any case, it is important that games in the field of BDSM do not have to play or cover all sub-areas. On the contrary. The term BDSM is intentionally so broad, so that the different play types of power, dominance, submission, pain and pleasure can be united under one roof.

Within these frameworks, many different fetishes, expressions and forms of pleasure find their home and can complement each other perfectly. Just because someone has a desire for some parts of BDSM, it does not mean that all other forms of sexuality are not interesting enough.

There are many couples who love to have flower sex together, but still on certain occasions and at certain BDSM types of play can act out their desire for pain, bondage and a shift in the power structure. All these forms of sexuality can easily work side by side and often even together.

The term BDSM offers only a comprehensive generic term, under which the most diverse types of play can be summarized. If you are already into slapping your partner's butt with the flat of your hand, you might as well be at home in the field of BDSM as the master who ties up his own slave and chastises her with the cane.

BDSM is just as versatile and flexible as the many people who practice this type of play and offers above all a convenient descriptive means to be able to provide the different types of play of this sexuality with a term.

However, BDSM also means a high degree of responsibility

For this is also covered by the term BDSM. Because a game between two adults can and may always take place only under prior agreements. While this can be done quite laxly in the soft forms of BDSM, a comprehensive agreement is crucial in the harder practices in this area.

For many types of games in the field of BDSM can be quite justiciable, if there is no mutual consent to such BDSM games. Taboos and boundaries of the participants must be agreed upon in advance and observed at all times in direct play. Also, the boundaries that arise in the game must be implemented immediately and the BDSM Game be completely interrupted in case of emergency.

Beginners in the field of BDSM should always take this to heart. Because it often makes sense to learn and practice these mechanisms and automatisms at an early stage, as many people gradually acquire a taste for it and prefer harder and more intense BDSM games.

Sexual role play in its deepest form

BDSM in many ways also means sexual role play in its profound kind. For not only roles are assumed, but many roles also involve situations in which people normally do not find themselves voluntarily. Begging for mercy, whimpering and crying may well be part of the role play, but also testify to mistakes in role play.

Therefore, in BDSM, so-called safewords are usually agreed upon, which result in an immediate stop of the game. Thus, a stop in the context of role play can be distinguished from a stop in the sense of "That goes too far for me / that hurts too much".

Safe words are usually words that are not used in a normal game.

The international mayday has become particularly widespread in the BDSM scene and is used by many players to make their own rejection of a game clear. After all, safety comes first in any case during a BDSM session. To ensure this, many players in the field of BDSM work according to the so-called SSC rule.

SSC means in the context of BDSM "Safe, Sane & Consensual". Loosely translated: safe, sane and consensual. Especially the term healthy is an important factor. Because sane in this context means "with common sense or common sense".

Even if a subordinate in the role play begs for more, but the active part's common sense says that would be too much, it is up to the active part not to let the role play escalate and to avoid such boundary violations.

Top & Bottom - Top and Bottom

In virtually all types of BDSM play, the shared play takes place in a power imbalance. There is always an active, tone-setting part and a passive partner. The active partner is usually referred to as Top or Above. Other terms are Dom or Domina, which are also used.

The passive and inferior partner is usually called Bottom or Sub. This does not always have to represent the role of the victim, but can also be quite active in parts, depending on the chosen role play. A good example is white eroticism, which is also counted as BDSM.

Here the top plays the doctor, while the bottom or sub appears as a patient. Here, too, a clear power imbalance can be seen and experienced, even if there are only a few treatments that are characterized by pain. Here, above all, the psychological inferiority plays an important role.

The sub is completely at the mercy of the top, often has to undergo embarrassing examinations and make his own body available for various tests and examinations.

Bottom or sub - trust and submission

In most types of BDSM play, the sub places himself in the care of the active partner and willingly exposes himself to his caprice to a certain extent. For this reason, trust plays an important role in BDSM. The sub must trust the top to take him to his limits, but never to exceed them.

If a situation arises in which the sub feels overwhelmed or uncomfortable, he can immediately stop the game with the safeword and resolve his own inferiority. Whether in bondage, in psychological games, in pain or in all other forms of BDSM.

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The sub tries to stay in the role and be dominated as long as possible, but has the option to get out and end the game at any time.

Top or Dom - Control and Ratio

The top is in the various game types of BDSM (Bondage Discipline Submission Dominance) the active part. This does not necessarily mean that the top must always be active. But he controls the game and the session and always keeps control and the upper hand. Of course, the top can sit back comfortably while the sub(s) orally pleasure him or otherwise serve him.

But the control of the situation and the domination of the or sub always remain with the top. For this reason, this role comes with tremendous responsibility. The Top is not only responsible for the sexual fulfillment of the Sub, who wants to be dominated or chastised for this purpose, for example, but must also always keep an eye on the boundaries.

The pleasure in this form of sexuality can often be explained by the played gain of power. Taking full control over the other player during a play session, being able to lead them and give them orders or chastise them can stimulate sexual desire enormously.

Top and Sub in Alternation: The Switcher

Many men and women in BDSM have found their own field over time and feel particularly comfortable either as a top or a sub. But some people are able to gain pleasure in both positions and on both sides. These change roles depending on the situation and after play and can enjoy both sub and top without restrictions.

These people are called switchers in the field. Real switchers feel pleasure in both roles and can thus adapt to the partner in the best possible way and open up completely new play possibilities.

Common types of play in the large area of BDSM

Bondage: The captivating pleasure

A main area of BDSM is the so-called bondage, i.e. bondage games, which can be performed in the most diverse ways and with the most diverse aids. Starting from tender bondage games in your own bed with a scarf or cloths to professional bondage games with handcuffs, spreader bars or matching pieces of furniture like pillars & Co.

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Often the most different tools are used in bondage, which are either used out of necessity, or because one of the players has built up a special fetish to the materials used. Besides handcuffs, chains, leather straps, adhesive tapes or rubber articles are used in many ways and are highly appreciated by bondage connoisseurs.

The sub finds bondage games particularly appealing, since his own possibilities and freedom of movement are drastically restricted. Thus, the sub cannot escape the active part, but is at the mercy of it and its desire in the game without protection.

The active partner, on the other hand, often derives his pleasure from the sub's powerlessness and the complete control that can be exercised over the sub and his body. Thus, a bound sub can neither escape a planned punishment nor resist potential sexual advances, which can also play a major role in many role-playing games.

The game with powerlessness and torment is made even more intense by bondage in many areas and much more exciting for all involved. Important in bondage is the high sense of responsibility of the top, who is not only responsible for the health of the sub, but who must also design the bondage in such a way that there are no health disadvantages for the passive partner.

For this reason, professional and comprehensive bondage requires some experience, because especially when working with ropes or metal bondage objects, the danger of strangulation or physical damage must be kept in mind.

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Discipline: the game of control

The game of discipline revolves primarily around rules and control and the punishment of not following the established rules. Colloquially, the BDSM games and sessions in this area are referred to as educational games and are broadly defined as role playing games.

The top sets the rules for the role play and controls the compliance with the rules, while the sub has to follow the rules and face penalties for non-compliance. A typical game in this area is, for example, mustering, a student-teacher situation, or even part of classic domination.

The range of rules can vary enormously and depends on the preferences and needs of the different players. In the classical dominance segment, for example, the form of address plays a major role. Thus, the active parts in this segment mostly want to be addressed as master or mistress by their subordinates.

If the code of rules is not followed by the subs, either out of carelessness or on purpose, the delinquents are usually punished. Here, too, the type of punishment can vary significantly with the wishes of the players. Starting with physical chastisement up to psychological and verbal punishments, the most diverse scenarios are conceivable.

Within the pre-determined limit range, playing with discipline can be enormously satisfying for both the active and passive parts and provide a high level of satisfaction.

In any case, it is important that such a game does not allow any conclusions to be drawn about the actual balance of power. In such a game, the active part can consciously relinquish its power and decision-making authority in order to devote itself fully to the game. How much the game is played within a session and how hard the punishments and rules are should be agreed upon by both partners before the session.

Safewords are also important when playing with discipline, so that in the event of a break-off, both players immediately recognize an end and no real boundary violations occur.

Dominance and submission: The classic game

In the games around dominance and submission, the created power imbalance plays an important role. Within the session, the active part is clearly above the passive partner and can control, discipline and punish him in this position. The game of dominance and submission can take place in a wide variety of role-playing games and is very often mixed with the area of discipline and the so-called educational games.

The extent to which these role plays differ in their characteristics depends not least on the wishes and needs of both participants. Thus, the area of dominance and submission can extend to the most diverse play areas and thus manifest itself in the most diverse games and role plays.

Starting with small tasks such as "wait naked and freshly shaved for my arrival" to large gestures of dominance, for example, when the sub is led by the top on a leash or even presented to other people.

The game of dominance and submission can both be limited to just a play session, but also spill over into the everyday life of the participants. If this is desired by both partners, it is usually referred to as 24/7 dominance. This abbreviation is meant to illustrate 24 hours a day, seven days a week, and to show that this game of dominance is also continued in normal everyday life.

A possible variation of this game is, for example, that the sub must be sexually available to the top at all times or that the "sexually oriented" commands of the top must be obeyed. In this type of game, the sub also voluntarily gives up his or her right and can, of course, reclaim it for himself or herself at any time.

Because also the normal daily work and the work must be done and are not subordinated to the wishes of the active partner. Nevertheless, the power imbalance is always present even in everyday life and can be discreetly emphasized by the active part again and again. Thus, a permanent sexual tension is present, which can be discharged with clear force in the available game sessions.

In many cases, signs of dominance or submission are used for such permanent games, which are not visible, but still noticeable for the passive part. Wearing a discreet collar or even a testicle ring can serve as such signs and always remind the sub of the role and the existing power imbalance within the game.

Sadism and Masochism: Pleasure and Pain

The terms S/M and BDSM are very often used interchangeably, although S/M covers only a small subset of BDSM. Sado-masochism is primarily about the infliction of pain and the pleasure that many passive partners experience from that pain.

A wide variety of practices can be used in this area to enhance and trigger the pain and thus pleasure of the passive partner. In this context, other sub-areas of the BDSM often play an equally important role, since in many cases S/M is combined with bondage, for example, or used as part of dominance and education games.

In this way, the power imbalance can be expressed and experienced even more clearly, which is provided with a special thrill for many people. Furthermore, the triggers for the pain can be chosen in many different ways.

BDSM Gamee starting with beatings with the naked hand to the use of paddles and whips, the use of candle wax or of clamps to the excessive tickling of the passive and thereby often bound partner. While the passive partner often gets his pleasure directly from the pain and finds it pleasurable and exciting, the triggers for the active part are often more difficult.

Either the pleasure is generated directly by inflicting the pain and the associated gain of power, or by watching the pleasure of the partner, who often indicates this by clear physical reactions. In these games, the passive partner can concentrate completely on his own sensations and place himself completely and trustingly in the care of the active player.

It is the responsibility of the latter not to exceed the physical and emotional limits of the sub, but nevertheless to come as close as possible to these limits.

All parts intertwine closely

In theory, it is easy to separate the individual elements of BDSM and treat them individually. In reality, however, this looks much different, because often the transitions are very fluid and many sessions include the most diverse parts of these game types.

The weighting of the individual parts within a session always depends on the wishes and demands of the partners and can easily vary from session to session. The field of BDSM is so diverse that the most varied types of play and mixtures can be brought into harmony with each other without any problems, which makes the games enormously pleasurable for many people.

The basics of BDSM at a glance

The basis of all BDSM games is the voluntariness of all participants who want to enjoy the games together. Since a power imbalance is desired and necessary in most games and types of play in BDSM, the or sub must voluntarily relinquish his or her own power during the games and place himself or herself in the care of the top for the course of the session.

Thus, some of one's autonomy and decision-making control is surrendered. This is referred to in BDSM circles as a so-called power exchange. Already this surrender of one's own power is a clear pleasure gain for both partners and often the entry into a successful session. The voluntariness and the knowledge of the exercised games is essential in BDSM.

Since the 90s, a term has been established for this form of sexual interaction in the BDSM scene, which is called SSC. The abbreviation stands for "safe, sane & consensual" and means that the BDSM games are always done safely, with a clear mind and above all voluntarily.

Another abbreviation also commonly used in the scene is RACK. RACK stands for Risk-aware consensual kink and puts more emphasis on the personal responsibility of both partners. In German, the abbreviation means something like risk-aware consensual sexual activity.

This is especially important because many practices in the field of BDSM without the consent of the passive partner could be perceived as breaking the rules or even as criminal offenses. After all, in many cases acts are performed during a session against the pretended will of the passive part, which would constitute an offense against sexual self-determination.

It must always be clearly defined that the later passive partner can only give his consent to the acts if he has a precise overview of the risks and the elements of the later game.

For this reason, preliminary discussions are particularly important in BDSM. In addition, the passive partner must be able to end the session at any time by a safeword or by a specific gesture, thus regaining the autonomy he has voluntarily given up.

The Session

The session refers to the actual game in the field of BDSM and usually includes a pre-determined time or time window. This session is usually filled with some form of erotic role play, which can consist of a wide variety of sub-areas of BDSM.

Whether real role-play is played, bondage is performed, or punishment is received depends on the desire and orientation of those involved in the game. Many of the actions performed within the session can only be enjoyed in the context of such role play and would seem encroaching or extremely unpleasant in everyday life and would not be tolerated even by the passive partner.

Only through the game and the clear rules within a session, a pleasure gain can be drawn from many practices. Sexual intercourse is not optional in any form in BDSM, but can be easily incorporated into a wide variety of sessions. Whether oral, anal or vaginal depends on the desire of the participants and the role play.

Thus, many tops (whether male or female) find it extremely satisfying that the passive partner must be sexually submissive during the session and use this as part of the role play and to illustrate the power differential. Likewise, however, the sexual desire of the passive part can be deliberately ignored to further increase the agony for the passive partner.

Thus, in the field of BDSM, the satisfaction of pleasure cannot be defined solely by the achievement of a climax. On the contrary, the various factors of the game can be used to achieve pleasure. The way is the goal is the motto in many games in the field of BDSM.

The safety in BDSM

Safety plays a very special role in all types of games in the field of BDSM. This does not only mean safer sex, but also the responsibility for the health and physical integrity of the play partner. Since in the field of BDSM many types of games are used, which can potentially lead to damage to the passive partner, the active part must be particularly prudent and with the necessary know-how to the matter.

For this reason, some safety measures have been established in the various BDSM interpretations, which are followed by many players in their games and which make the session in BDSM safer and easier for both partners. Only in this way can games and sessions with new and previously quite unknown partners be handled and experienced within a reasonable framework.

Because without the appropriate safety measures, such games would be too risky for many people.

The preliminary discussion: consensuality and taboos

Since consensuality plays a decisive role in all games in the field of BDSM, a preliminary talk is part of every session. Because in an intensive preliminary talk - especially with still unknown play partners - the wishes and interests, but also the taboos and limits of the play partner can be clarified exactly.

During a preliminary talk, the approximate course of the session can also be agreed upon, which again significantly increases the security and the feeling of safety for both participants. Your own experience should also be included in such a conversation. Honesty is particularly important, as false information can often create misconceptions.

Anyone who calls himself experienced and turns out to be particularly hard, but quickly breaks off during the session because of the pain, robs himself and the partner of the fun of the session. Especially beginners in the field of BDSM should convey this in the same way, so that the partner can adjust to this fact.

In the course of a preliminary conversation, moreover, the common safeword is usually determined. If the passive partner's ability to speak should be restricted during a session, for example by a gag, then certain gestures or sounds should be determined, which result in an immediate termination of the session.

Only through safe and trustful interaction with each other and strict adherence to the agreed safe words or abort gestures can a game proceed safely and satisfactorily for both participants.

Extensive knowledge is a prerequisite

Depending on the type of BDSM game, different tools and sex toys are used. By nature, many of the tools are basically not dangerous, but can cause pain or injury if used improperly. For this reason, especially the active part in such a game must act particularly prudently and bring a broad knowledge in the various areas.

Depending on the session and the type of game, this can include detailed knowledge in the areas of physics, anatomy, medicine or psychology, which must be applied depending on the situation. For example, in the field of bondage, it is particularly important to know at which points the various nerve nodes and nerve tracts run and at which points nodes can lead to problems or even damage to the tissue.

The experience of the active playing partner also plays an important role in the use of simple whips, paddles and other percussion instruments. Controlled use of these implements, practiced motor skills, and knowledge of the strength of one's strokes can make the difference between a satisfying session and an excess of pain that can quickly destroy the session and the fun of it.

The psychological component also plays an important role. Thus, the top must always keep in mind the reactions of the sub. Often games in the field of BDSM can lead to a psychological crash due to their intensity and often also due to the sub's feeling of powerlessness, which must be recognized by the active part as soon as possible.

The active partner must also be able to catch the sub in this situation and provide assistance, so that the session does not get out of control.

The liberation always in view

Especially in the field of bondage, an often quick release of the bound partner is particularly important. Experienced players in the field of BDSM have for this reason always a possibility ready to cut ropes or ligaments quickly in case of emergency.

Those who use handcuffs or similar instruments should have at least two keys for these bondage instruments ready. Above all, however, hectic should be avoided in any case. The calm charisma of the top can be of decisive importance in such a situation.

If you follow it and are prepared for all eventualities, you can enjoy the session together with your partner to the fullest and without any stress

Typical practices in BDSM

Basically, in BDSM you can distinguish between psychological and physical practices. In many sessions, these areas are mixed and interwoven in many ways, but both segments act on a completely different area and provide the desired stimulation and the associated pleasure there.

For this reason, there is no typical BDSM practice. While the general public has in mind mainly the dominatrix with the whip, games in the field of BDSM can be completely different.

The desires and preferences of the participants and the local possibilities provide for the appropriate play possibilities.

Psychological elements can be found in many role-playing games in which the power structure plays an important role. Educational games, white eroticism or games with dominance and submission always have a strong psychological component. The sub is not exclusively physically subjected, but must submit to the instructions of the top, must put himself in a humiliating role and comprehensively fulfill the wishes of the top.

This can take place in a wide variety of game types and is often supplemented and intensified by the use of physical punishment. Such psychological games are conceivable both within a set session and as part of normal life and are enjoyed by many people in this way.

However, complete submission even outside the session is extremely rare and is considered permanently satisfying by only a few people. However, parts of it can be integrated into everyday life. A good example is the so-called chastity position, where the active lady gets control over the man's orgasm and he can only climax according to your specifications.

In all psychological games, above all, the alternation of rejection and harshness on the one hand and care and devotion on the other is an important factor for all involved and is both needed and appreciated by active and passive players alike.

Physical SM practices in BDSM are enormously versatile and dependent on the desires and experiences of the participants. If you look at the field of BDSM exclusively on a physical level, you will see that by inflicting pain, by restricting physical mobility and by the intense sensual impressions, a pleasure is generated in the passive partner.

Which components predominate always depends on the design of the session and the wishes of all participants. The endorphins released during a BDSM session are described by many participants as similar to the runners high, which makes runners survive the rigors of a long run in a kind of trance.

This dream or trance state is often achieved within a BDSM session and is the goal of pleasure for many passive players. However, it should always be kept clearly in mind that not every session can achieve or experience such a scenario.

In order to provide the sub with the most varied session possible, many tops resort to different tools and BDSM practices to vary the strength and amount of sensations. Pinching, biting, scratching, spanking, crops, whips, canes, paddles, ice cubes, candles, electrical stimulation are just some of the options used by tops to give their partner the most painful and pleasurable session possible.

In addition, there are many people who practice BDSM without experiencing it as pleasurable themselves. In this case, they simply share the fetish or the preferences of the partner without feeling pleasure themselves.

The slave contract

Especially in the areas of submission and discipline, the sub is often clearly subjugated. Here - depending on the degree and intensity - different means are used to make the position of the submissive clear. Slave collars, intimate jewelry or even tattoos can be used as signs of belonging and ownership.

Likewise, a so-called slave contract is often drawn up, in which the details of the joint relationship are discussed in detail. In many cases, these contracts are written in great detail and include a whole range of sexual details that are not intended for the public.

However - and you should remember this in any case - such Slave contracts are not legally binding. This is mainly due to the fact that a slave contract is already by definition contrary to morality and therefore cannot be valid according to §138 BGB.

Nevertheless, for the consolidation of a BDSM relationship and for the clear delimitation of one's own status during the session, such slave contracts can have an enormous appeal.

Types of relationships within the Sadism Masochism

In order to be able to express the relationships within the BDSM scene correctly, the widespread role models in BDSM must first be explained in more detail. Since in BDSM in almost all cases a power gradient exists, one divides oneself basically according to this gradient. Top and bottom have established themselves as terms, since these optimally reflect the different positions within the power structure.
The actively acting partner is located at the top of the power structure and is referred to as the Top or Dom. He is the one who actively directs the bottom, ties it up or inflicts pain on it. The lower partner is the so-called bottom, who gives up his own power for the time of the game and submits to the top. Another very common term for the bottom is sub.
Those who feel comfortable in both roles and like to change roles are usually called switchers in the scene. Switches enjoy both active play as a top, but can also experience pleasure as a bottom in play sessions.

BDSM as erotic role play

Many fans and friends of BDSM try to live out their lust in the context of so-called play sessions - sessions. Within a clearly defined time window, Top and Bottom slip into their roles and enjoy playing together. Such sessions have no effect on normal togetherness, as the power imbalance is only affected for the duration of the play session.

Especially in the case of close and ongoing partnerships, it may happen that over time the game overlaps with one's normal life. If this is desired, this leads into the area of extra-erotic BDSM.

However, many players place the highest value on a strict separation of play and normal everyday life and use the erotic sessions to live out their desires and fantasies.

The extra-erotic BDSM

Some couples lead relationships in which the common togetherness in everyday life is just as strongly characterized by the power structure of BDSM. In this case, sexuality is not completely ignored, but it is no longer a direct part of all the actions that are generally associated with the BDSM lifestyle. The extra-erotic BDSM is reflected in everyday life and takes place there sometimes more, sometimes less sexualized.

BDSM as a professional service

Parts of BDSM are also offered in the professional service sector. The ladies who offer such services are usually called Dominas. However, most of these ladies do not consider themselves as professional prostitutes, because during a session with these ladies there is no sexual intercourse.

Also the active gentleman can get his money's worth in some establishments when slave girls or maids offer their services there. Within the scope of a clearly defined play area, the dominant man can let out his desires on the bottoms there. Depending on the previously agreed scope of services, it may well come to sexual intercourse.

The BDSM scene and the public

Because the BDSM field is often still considered bizarre or perverted by the public, the BDSM scene exists primarily as a subculture. Within the scene, the various tops and bottoms can exchange ideas, meet at regulars' tables or use various forums to keep in touch with each other.

Due to society's prejudice, only a few people out themselves as BDSM friends in public, but keep this area of their sexuality carefully hidden from the eyes of all other people. Nevertheless, there are some meeting places and opportunities to quickly get in touch with the scene and make a first contact attempt.

In addition to various erotic fairs, for example, the Folsom Europe Parade takes place once a year, which addresses the topic of BDSM through a public street parade. The BDSM scene is also represented at the many CSD parades, where it is increasingly becoming the focus of public attention.

Among themselves, the members of the BDSM scene call themselves BDSMler or SMler. Anyone who is on the move in various forums on this topic can observe yet another phenomenon. To clearly declare their own orientation, many members in the forums have taken to capitalizing the first letter of the forum name as Top, while subs write their forum names exclusively with lowercase letters. This way, members of a discussion can immediately tell which role the other person prefers and thus socialize more easily.

Symbols in BDSM

Especially in the early days of BDSM, intimate piercings were considered a clear identifier of the scene and were widely used in it. However, due to the general acceptance of piercings and the resulting spread of such piercings across all scene boundaries, this symbol has been lost.

A still common symbol in the field of BDSM is the ring of Owhich, however, is also widespread in the Gothic scene. Accordingly, it is no longer possible to recognize another BDSMler by certain signs or symbols.

Prejudices about BDSM and BDSMers

There are many prejudices and clichés about BDSM, which have become widespread, especially through film and television. Probably the most common stereotype concerns the players in these areas themselves. Because most people are of the opinion that BDSM players want to take their role in the game also in real life and for this reason are either particularly dominant, or even appreciate pain and oppression in real life.

Another prejudice concerns especially the men who let themselves be dominated. Because according to this prejudice, it is mainly the successful businessmen with high decision-making power who let themselves be dominated and humiliated by dominas. However, all these prejudices are completely out of the air.

One's role within a BDSM game does not depend on one's professional situation, but on the deeply rooted orientation that is inherent in every human being. Thus a connection between BDSM lust and professional career is absolutely constructed and not provable.

There are both women and men in both roles, regardless of their other sexual orientation. Since BDSM is not about sex, it is quite possible for people without homosexual inclination to have a same-sex combination, which seems pleasurable and enjoyable.

In BDSM, many boundaries are lifted, because here the actions and the togetherness are in the foreground.

Further prejudices in the area of BDSM

Other prejudices in the field of BDSM mainly concern the role stereotypes. These were and still are defined by the media but also by porn movies and the internet. Thus, most people imagine the term BDSM a dominatrix dressed in lacquer and leather, which dominates a man and tortures him.

Yet the percentage of active women in the scene is nowhere near as high as one would expect. Also, the infliction of pain is defined by most people by whips or blows with the naked hand, without knowing what difficult possibilities the game has to offer in the field of BDSM.

The leather-clad dominatrix with the whip and the harsh barracks yard tone has unfortunately burned itself all too strongly into people's minds. As a result, many people always associate the field of BDSM with a certain fetishism for leather, lacquer and latex.

Of course, there can be overlaps here, but necessarily the field of BDSM is not firmly connected with any fetish. Due to the general openness for the different varieties of human sexuality, on the other hand, it is especially easy for many fetishists to come out in the group area of BDSM and to live out their own fetishes in the context of a BDSM session.

However, garments made of leather are often used in the BDSM area, as these have now established themselves as a dress code and allow a clear division of roles. In addition, a particularly large number of garments are made from these materials, which are intended to have a clearly sexualizing effect.

Accordingly, many players can be found in the field of BDSM, which wrap themselves in appropriate clothing for sessions.

Also the violence within the BDSM session is a source of various prejudices. Many people, who have not had any experience with BDSM themselves, only see the physical or mental punishments and the often cruel looking togetherness.

However, that caution, prudence and also care play a particularly large role in BDSM is hardly recognizable to outsiders. For example, since the various impact devices allow the force of the blows to be very finely dosed, an action that looks painful can also be perceived much more gently.

Above all, the technique and experience of the top make an important difference in a session. This is unfortunately not recognizable to the inexperienced observer from the outside, so that misunderstandings and a false image of BDSM occur here again and again.

If you now add the enormous complexity of BDSM, which can develop completely differently depending on the play partners, it is no wonder that this area seems almost overloaded with prejudices and prejudices.

The Coming Out in BDSM

The term coming out is mainly associated with the homosexual scene. It stands for the point in time at which a homosexual man or a homosexual woman for the first time publicly admits his or her sexual inclination and openly communicates it.

Likewise one can speak also in the range of the BDSM of a Coming Out, since also here the own sexual inclination, which does not correspond possibly to the general Richtbild, is made public and is to be made a topic.

While more and more homosexuals confess their own sexuality without any problems and can fall back on a large network of help offers, a coming out for a BDSM person is often connected with significantly more difficulties. According to various empirical studies, one can assume a proportion of BDSMers between 5 and 25 percent of the population.

How strongly the respective inclinations are pronounced is irrelevant. However, if you only look at the area of stars who are conspicuous in the media, there are hardly any artists who openly admit their inclinations. The same applies to the general average of the population.

However, this is also due to the fact that a coming out in the field of BDSM can still have devastating effects professionally and privately. There are plenty of reasons for this. Thus the reporting of the media plays just as large a role as the lack of clearing-up of the population and also the often massive and little founded criticism of Feministen, which managed for example to push the adherents of the BDSM in Switzerland to the edge of the legality.

Again and again, cases emerge in the media in which a disclosure of BDSM inclination led to professional problems for the actors. Important examples in this area are the case of the UN weapons inspector Jack McGeorge in 2003 or the Spanner Case in Great Britain.

In contrast to homosexuals, the suffering of BDSM users is hardly, if at all, defined or appreciated by the public. Above all, official and public counseling networks are just being established in many countries.

These are however enormously important, since a consciousness of the own inclinations and a struggle with the inclinations and the public can lead fast to private problems, which reach up to the suicide. In Germany, the first networks are already emerging, which deal precisely with this problem and try to help. SMart Rhein-Ruhr and maydaySM e.V. offer emergency telephones, which help with all problems and emergencies around the BDSM area with words and deeds. In many cities there are also locations of the group SMJG, which specializes in youth work and is available as a contact for young people.

Many of these counseling measures are supported by an increasingly strong and intensive public relations work of the various BDSM associations. In the USA and Great Britain, the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom and the Sexual Freedom Coalition have formed two interest groups, which are dedicated to active public relations and try to get BDSM out of the "dirty corner".

Also in Germany the different associations step more and more into the foreground and try to increase the acceptance for the BDSM over press work and public work and to minimize thus a stigmatization of the BDSMler.

The SM and BDSM scene and its possibilities

In many large cities, BDSM and SM parties and events take place regularly, where interested newcomers and experienced BDSMers can meet and exchange ideas. Unlike BDSM regulars' tables, however, such BDSM parties or meetings actually serve for play and thus offer a variety of possibilities.

Many of the parties have their own dress code, which is chosen to fit the scene and the location. Through the dress code, moreover, a clearly sexualized mood can be created, which made the game much easier, especially for newcomers.

Often, the dress code includes matching themed clothing in leather, patent or latex, which is cut with a clear focus on the primary and secondary sexual characteristics. Such a dress code also offers other advantages. Thus, peeping toms, which would like to visit such a party without any real interest, can be easily sorted out and deterred even before entering.

In the context of such parties, various sessions take place. In parts even in the context of a demonstration on different stages, but also in separees or separate rooms with a limited number of participants. These celebrations and parties are mainly about living out BDSM in its various facets.

Although pure sexual intercourse is not the focus, it can certainly be experienced and enjoyed as part of a session. Such parties are extremely popular for a number of reasons. One important reason is due to the availability of play equipment.

The organizers often provide equipment such as pillories, gyn chairs, punishment trestles and other devices, which can be used by the participants of the event for the games. Furthermore, due to the choice of location, restrictions are often lifted.

Both in terms of volume and the risk of being discovered. In addition, at such parties are many exhibitionists and voyeurs, who can, may and should live out their personal kink in the context of the party. These also contribute to the open mood of such a BDSM party and provide for a freer and more open togetherness.

Besides the parties, so-called BDSM clubs have established themselves in many cities, which meet more or less regularly and offer various programs. From workshops in the field of bondage to scientific or medical lectures with reference to BDSM, the most diverse areas can be covered and offered.

What is important about parties and clubs is the high level of social control among the participants. There is strict adherence to SSC and RACK, so that the potential danger for newcomers is particularly low here. If you dare to try out the world of BDSM for the first time at such an event, you will see a lot and experience a lot.

Basically, it is recommended for newcomers in any case to go to such a BDSM party or to a BDSM club. Because here you can not only drop the social mask once and openly communicate your own BDSM preference, but often also educate yourself in conversation and discover new ideas and play possibilities.

In any case, it is important to remain authentic and not to overstate your own knowledge or even your own resilience out of false pride. This can quickly lead to problems and noticeably diminish the pleasure for all participants.

Empirical and psychological facts about BDSM

The prevalence of BDSM in the population

BDSM is not a phenomenon or a sexual practice, which could only be assigned to a certain population group or a certain class. BDSM is lived by homosexual as well as heterosexual people and is represented by men as well as women and transgenders in the most different forms.

The extent to which BDSM inclinations are expressed varies. While many people use various SM practices, which they themselves would not assign to BDSM, these still belong under the umbrella term and sexual inclination.

The proportion of women in the area of BDSM is clearly and noticeably higher than in other sexualized behaviors, which is less surprising due to the free choice of roles in this area.

If one goes by the general estimates, between five and 25 percent of all people show a basic inclination towards BDSM and would like to try out the various types of play on occasion. Unfortunately, there are still no sufficiently large studies in this area, which could be considered representative.

In 1997 a study was published, which revolved around the sexual habits of US students. Some questions in the study also revolved around the area of BDSM and BDSM fantasies. The rate of sexual experiences in the area of BDSM was stable at six percent across all groups.

For BDSM fantasies, however, significant differences could be seen. fifteen percent of homosexual students, 21 percent of lesbian students, eleven percent of heterosexual students, and new percent of heterosexual female students stated that they had BDSM fantasies and had toyed with the idea. Above all, the enormously high rate of 21 percent among openly lesbian female students is clearly surprising.

Even though the study is not representative and has only a small data base, it shows what an enormous spread the BDSM area has taken in the meantime.

Since the mid-90s of the last century, the area of BDSM has increasingly become the focus of attention in film and the media. Especially with the book 50 Shades of Grey and the associated film, the area of BDSM was again made much more socially acceptable.

Many people have previously enjoyed games from the field of BDSM, without assigning them directly to this area. For example, a survey of more than 300,000 people in 41 countries shows that about 20 percent of respondents have used masks, blindfolds or other bondage paraphernalia at least once.

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Among all the respondents, five percent said they were actively engaged in BDSM. Spanking and the use of blindfolds or handcuffs are also part of many people's own sexuality and are used by them regularly. These are all people, which would basically be assigned to the BDSM scene.

In addition, the spread of BDSM-typical features and items of clothing by jewelry designers and fashion labels is being pushed further and further, so that a clear classification based on clothing preferences hardly seems possible. Lacquer and leather is just as popular as a normal outfit as it is at a BDSM party or session.

Thus, the publicly visible area of BDSM has become socially much more acceptable, even if the individual activities and contents of sessions can still be disturbing for the vanilla and are not always optimally understood by the latter.

Because only wearing the corresponding clothes does not give an insight into the real world of BDSM and especially does not give a feeling and sense for the often finely balanced power relations within a session.

The psychological classification of BDSM

Many of the BDSM practices from the BDSM area were in earlier times attributed to sadism or masochism and belonged to the so-called drive disorders, which were classified by psychiatry as pathological. So the sadomasochism was considered according to ICD-10 as a "disorder of sexual preference" and was defined as a clinical picture. There the following definition was found in the wording:

"Sexual activities with infliction of pain, humiliation or bondage are preferred. If the affected person suffers this type of stimulation, it is masochism; if they inflict it on someone else, it is sadism. Often, in both masochistic and sadistic BDSM activities, the person involved feels sexual arousal."

It was not until 1994 that this definition was removed, so the field of BDSM is no longer referred to as a sexual preference disorder. Accordingly, a diagnosis such as sadism or masochism may now only be made if the patient can experience sexual pleasure exclusively through sadistic or masochistic SM practices or clearly rejects his own sexual expression and is thus noticeably restricted in his sexuality.

This is not only particularly rare, but also does not occur in active BDSMers. However, an overlapping of the sexual preference disorder and the acting out of BDSM practices does occur.

In 1995, Denmark was the first member of the European Union to completely remove the diagnosis of sadomasochism from the national classification system for medical conditions. In 2009, Sweden followed suit. Other countries will probably follow in the future, which can only be beneficial for the general acceptance of BDSM.

According to recent studies, the number of people interested in BDSM and people with BDSM fantasies ranges from five to 25 percent of the population. The range of variation is so widely scattered because no study of a representative nature has yet addressed this issue. But basically it can be assumed that up to a quarter of the population more or less regularly engages in sexual practices that revolve around pleasure and pain or playing with different power relationships.

Although by far not all persons would be counted as belonging to the BDSM circle, the different characteristics of the sexual acts nevertheless belong to the characteristic circle of BDSM.

The psychological aspects of BDSM have hardly been investigated and evaluated according to modern scientific standards. The probably most central investigation to this topic was published already in the year 1988 in Journal of Social Work and Human Sexuality and comes from the US-American sex researcher Charles Moser.

According to the publication, Moser concludes that there are insufficient evidenced-based data sets to assess a study of psychological abnormalities in BDSM adherents. However, some basic facts would be elicitable from the existing data. For example, there is no evidence that common psychopathologies could be identified among the many BDSM lovers and devotees.

Furthermore, there are no consistent images of BDSM adherents within the clinical literature that could be defined by a fixed characteristic. Therefore, it cannot be proven that there is any psychological component that is responsible for the enjoyment of BDSM.

Problems would occur with many BDSM followers above all with the acceptance of the own inclination and the own desires. Thus, the problems are mainly located around the own coming out. Especially if the prospective BDSMler is in a normal sexual relationship and with the discovery of one's own inclinations also comes the fear of the destruction of the current relationship.

Combine this with the fear of general discrimination in everyday life and in professional life, and many BDSMers are condemned to a real double life, which represents an enormous psychological burden.
Moser furthermore concludes that no relation can be found between acts of violence and BDSM inclinations.

The possible involvement of BDSM adherents in violent acts is not related to their sexual disposition.

In his summary, Moser concludes that there are no restrictions that could be imposed on BDSM adherents. Individuals with BDSM backgrounds could easily obtain employment and safety certifications, adoption opportunities, custody rights, or other societal rights and privileges.

All this shows that no disadvantages for the person or persons concerned can result from the preference for BDSM, since the BDSM fantasies and desires would not allow any direct influence on the daily life of the persons and their behavior in everyday life.

The history of BDSM

Already in the early days of human culture BDSM belonged to the various experiences of mankind. Already the oldest cuneiform tablets in the world testify to practices of BDSM, which were performed in honor of Goddess Innana were made. Rituals are mentioned, which were "permeated by pain and ecstasy".

In the 9th century B.C., a religious cult arose in Artemis Orthia, which regularly practiced flagellation during various rituals. In addition, the first graphic representation of sadomasochistic practices is found in an Etruscan tomb from the 6th century BC.

The Tomba della Fustigazione shows two men chastising a woman with their hands and a rod during lovemaking. First mentions in book form are found in the writings of the Roman scholar and poet Juvenal, who lived in the 1st and 2nd centuries AD.

In India, too, BDSM was already widespread in early times. In the Kamasutra alone four different types of blows are described, which can be used during love play. In addition, the book gives precise information about the possible hit zones of the human body and the various lustful and pleasurable pain sounds of the passive partner.

Already in the Kamasutra, however, voluntariness is also noted as an important feature. It says that hitting, pinching or even biting can enrich lovemaking, but only if both partners have consented to this form of BDSM play. Thus, the Kama Sutra should be the first and most comprehensive work in which not only the BDSM practices are described, but also the rules for their application were recorded.

However, a clear categorization of BDSM was not made for many years. Experts argue, for example, whether already the courtly Minne and the thus almost slavish devotion to the beloved should represent a form of BDSM. However, the practices of BDSM were used for many years and centuries and appreciated by many people.

So there are, among other things, traditions about brothels specializing in flagellation from the year 1769. Also the well-known novel Fanny Hill from the year 1749 already describes in some scenes such lustful punishments in all clarity.

Modern BDSM culture, on the other hand, has no more precisely provable historical sources. Images, stories and motifs from the BDSM scene occurred throughout the 20th century on the fringes of Western culture and were thus part of everyday life for some participants. A large part of the pictorial representation of the BDSM scene is due to the artist Irving Klaw, who in the 1950s and 1960s created films and pictures with a clear BDSM motif background and published the first comics in this field with a large circulation.

This trend continues to this day, so that modern artists such as Helmut Newton or Robert Mapplethorpe also transfer the various BDSM motifs into modern times.

Another basis for the development of the modern BDSM scene lies in the leather scene, which developed in America after World War 2. This male-dominated and homosexual leather scene referred to the writing of Larry Townsend, which included fixed rules for togetherness and, for example, the division into top and sub.

However, this text did not yet have any impact on the heterosexual BDSM scene and could not reach the lesbian part of the homosexual population. It was not until Coming to Power, published in the U.S. in 1981, that the lesbian population became more accepting of the BDSM scene.

This caused enormous tensions in the women's movement, as these BDSM-accepting and partly living women came into conflict with the group around Alice Schwarzer, who saw in BDSM the basis for misogyny and violent pornography.

In the 1990s, the scene developed again. The leather movement became much more open and the BDSM area became easier to understand even for heterosexual men and women. In addition, there was a clear reappraisal of the previous theses and the development of various concepts on the subject of BDSM, voluntariness and a more flexible role conception.

Through the emergence of the Internet and the freedom that came with it, the scene once again became much more colorful and free and was able to develop much more worldwide than it had been before. The abundance of information and the lively interest in BDSM not only ensured a further spread of the various BDSM game types, but also made the scene enormously interesting for producers of sex toys and accessories.

The new target group was quickly included in the assortment by many suppliers and the range was significantly expanded. This benefited all BDSM lovers, who could now fall back on high-quality produced sex toys and equipment, which again significantly reduced the risk of injury in BDSM.

In the meantime, almost all major erotic suppliers not only produce and distribute the various sex toys for BDSM use, but also provide them in slightly different forms for vanilla customers. Thus, the interest of many people in the BDSM is increasing significantly, especially since it is possible to enter gently into the subject and to get comprehensive information thanks to the Internet.

Therefore, it is especially important for BDSM lovers to think about reasonable and high-quality sex toys and tools. Many of the toys offered in conventional sex stores are rather intended for vanilla customers and can fail or not work as desired in a correspondingly hard setting.

Good providers, on the other hand, convince with the high quality of their materials and the enormously high functionality of the sex toys for the BDSM area.

BDSM - The history of the term

The term BDSM as an acronym has developed only gradually. The basis of the term can be found in the terms sadism and masochism, which were initially classified as mental illnesses. Both terms were derived from real personalities. Once the Marquis de Sade and Leopold von Sacher-Masoch.

The terms sadism and masochism were first published in a medical text in 1890. The German psychiatrist Richard von Krafft-Ebing used both terms in his work "Neue Forschungen auf dem Gebiet der Psychopathia sexualis". Sigmund Freud also used the terms in three of his works. It was not until 1913 that the term sado-masochism was first used as a complex to refer to a particular form of sexual expression.

In modern times, the BDSM scene tries to distance itself clearly from the Marquis de Sade, because he did not pay attention to the area of voluntariness in his activity and thus cannot be reconciled with the principles of SSC or RACK. For this reason, the scene has been clearly distinguishing itself from the term S&M for years and has tried to create a clear demarcation with the term B&D - i.e. Bondage & Discipline.

In the further course of development, the areas of Dominance and Submission were also taken over into the cosmos of meaning and interpretation of the acronym BDSM, in order to support the demarcation from pure S&M and the diversity of BDSM. Today, the term BDSM is widely used and yet is often misunderstood or associated with the wrong images.

The public relations work of the various associations and interest groups try to counteract this and to spread an open and clear image of the BDSM scene.

Legal consequences of BDSM

Many practices from the field of BDSM may well have legal consequences. This depends mainly on the respective legal situation in the different countries. The punishability of the various practices results mainly from the fact that by these practices in the normal case valid personality rights are violated.

While in the countries Germany, the Netherlands, in all Scandinavian countries and in Japan voluntary and consensual acts in the area of BDSM do not constitute a criminal offense, this looks quite different in other countries. In Austria, this area is not legally established at all, while in Switzerland, many practices from the area of BDSM are definitely considered criminal offenses.

If we look at cases from the USA and England, we can see how difficult it can be to assess individual cases and how much BDSM has to be classified in borderline areas of law.

Another point is the pictorial representation of BDSM practices. For these can - even if the actual practices are legally permitted - still be prohibited due to their nature. In Germany, for example, many of these depictions fall under section 184a of the German Penal Code and are prohibited as so-called violent pornography.

The legal situation in Germany

In the case of mutual consent and voluntariness, practices from the BDSM area are not punishable in Germany. However, these two points are of crucial importance, since only these make a conviction as a criminal offense impossible. The actions from the area of BDSM could otherwise be justiciable under the following aspects.

- § 177 StGB: Sexual assault
- § 179 StGB: Sexual abuse of persons incapable of resistance
- § 185 StGB: Insult
- § 223 StGB: Bodily injury
- § 224 StGB: Serious bodily injury
- § 239 StGB: Deprivation of liberty
- § 240 StGB: Coercion

Coercion and sexual coercion can be negated by the use of a stop word. If the active partner immediately stops the game when the stop word is mentioned, he cannot be prosecuted for coercion or sexual assault. The situation is similar with sexual abuse of resistant persons.

Due to the safeword and the associated possibility to be released immediately, a real incapacity to resist does not exist. For this reason alone, the top must always act extremely prudently during a game and pay attention to the signs and reactions of the sub.

Insult is a criminal offense, which must be prosecuted only at the request of the offended. The deprivation of liberty, on the other hand, is also covered by the safeword and the possibility of immediate release and is therefore not tenable as a criminal offense.

Bodily injury and grievous bodily harm, on the other hand, can become a real problem. This is because, according to Section 228 of the Criminal Code, bodily injury with the consent of the injured person is only unlawful if the bodily injury would go far beyond the bounds of reasonableness and good morals. Accordingly, punishability depends primarily on the potential consequences of an injury.

Therefore, as a top, one should have an appropriate detailed knowledge in order to be able to use the various tools in the context of BDSM in a targeted manner and without causing permanent damage. Should the sub be in danger of death due to one's own actions, which could have been avoided by acting with foresight, a conviction according to § 228 StGB (German penal code) can indeed occur.

However, since only a few people in the field of BDSM play so excessively that such dangers arise, there is little to worry about for normal play with each other.

It shows up thus that there can be indeed potentially legal consequences with a BDSM play, one these however by a good Vorgespräch and the agreement of a Safeword already clearly defuse can.

Because of these dangers, however, the top should always act cautiously in any case and pay attention to the reactions of the or the sub, in order to react in time and to make the game optimal for both players.

Whether BDSM is legally dangerous always depends in the last instance on the country and the existing jurisdiction. There are many countries where such practices are still punishable by law and which therefore represent a real danger for players of BDSM. If you want to practice BDSM abroad, you should in any case inform yourself about the local legal situation.

Frequently Asked Questions BDSM

What is a BDSM regulars' table?

A BDSM regulars' table is a meeting of like-minded people in a public place, usually a pub or restaurant. A regulars' table is simply a casual get-together where you can talk about a wide variety of topics. In the case of a BDSM regulars' table, this mainly offers the opportunity to talk about the field of BDSM and to exchange ideas directly for once.

Many regulars' tables take place in public, so that no dress code is given. Also the Anbaggern of humans at the table for regulars is not seen as a rule gladly. However, every regulars' table handles this differently, so it makes sense to find out about the applicable rules beforehand.

What should I pay attention to when visiting a BDSM regulars' table?

Above all, it is important to accept the intention of a Stammtisch. This is a meeting between people with similar interests and not a contact yard. It is above all a meeting where you can meet new people and get comprehensive information beyond your own sexual horizon.

By far not all conversations revolve around the topic of BDSM, but conversations among friends arise when you see each other more regularly. As a newcomer you are usually always welcome and can ask your questions - also about BDSM - freely. Most regulars' tables are happy to help and answer questions as best they can.

Many Stammtische offer a separate contact person, who helps with the introduction to a Stammtisch. Usually one meets half an hour before the official beginning and clarifies already the first things. Thus one can clarify important questions in the direct two-eye-conversation, before the regulars' table becomes fuller and such questions are only with difficulty possible.

In addition, an important contact person is known directly. If it should come in the context of a regulars' table to the fact that a participant presses you or pushes at you, you can take up contact with the organizer known to you fast, in order to eliminate the problem.

Basically, you should behave at a BDSM regulars' table just as if you were meeting other people at a normal pub.

Are there any books for the beginner in the field of BDSM?

If you want to get an overview of the different possibilities in the field of BDSM, you can refer to different books. Currently, the book "Die Wahl der Qual " by Kathrin Passig and Ira Strübel is especially popular, as it is also suitable for minors and can therefore be a help for an early coming out.

As you can see, the field of BDSM is enormously diverse and suitable for many people. Just give it a try and experience the different possibilities with your partner. At Steeltoyz you will get suitable sextoys for your BDSM session and you can safely and relaxed adjust to a new form of sexuality.

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